You made me cry and you don't even care
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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