Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
