Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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