I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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