We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
