You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
