**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
