Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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