First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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