Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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