the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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