oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
