check it out our google latitudes are spooning
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
