I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
