Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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