I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
