can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
