I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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