I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
