i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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