I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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