so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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