I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
