There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
