I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
