I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
