Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
