The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize