I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
