your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
