I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize