Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
