OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
