well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
