so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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