it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
