so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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