I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
