Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
