she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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