i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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