Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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