I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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