Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
