she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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