Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I could fuck to npr.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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