first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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