I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize