just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
