I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
