I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
