thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
