Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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