Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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