my vag is so smooth its legendary
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
