It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
