I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
