When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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