my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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