Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
People in love make me want to vomit
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
