im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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