Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
