Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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