drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize