The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
