So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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