sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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