Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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