Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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